Differences Between Falling in Love and True Love

There are few concepts about which people have such different perceptions as infatuation (falling in love) and love. Although most feel that we can easily distinguish between the two terms, upon closer comparison, we quickly find that our perceptions of these two concepts are extremely varied.

Infatuation as well as love can be observed in all cultures and also in higher-developed animals. But our perception often gets stuck on the idea of romantic love: does it exist or not, do we live it, or is it perhaps something else entirely that we coincidentally mistake for romantic love? This is all the more interesting because these are concepts around which most of our lives revolve.

The REI theory reveals that infatuation and love are two completely different mental processes that, apart from connecting us with another person, do not have much in common. Meanwhile, through the lens of REI, infatuation is nothing other than the biggest lie in our life. The biggest because our three minds collectively create a completely unrealistic perception of a certain person. Because it involves our own mind, no one can convince us otherwise in such a state. Nevertheless, infatuation is one of the most wonderful experiences, especially for those who do not accept their own world. In infatuation, our minds temporarily unify their otherwise different views. This harmony between them is a completely new, unknown state of spirit for us, which we mistakenly attribute specifically to the person we are infatuated with.

With true love, however, it is not about lies but quite the opposite—the truth. Truth plays such an important role in connecting two worlds that true love can only be experienced by those couples where both partners fully accept their own world. Without this, only a more or less high-quality partnership can be established between partners, which, even when deep emotions are involved, should not be mistaken for true love.

Is there something that could be called romantic love? In reality, there is not; it is just a false perception that infatuation should continue until the end of our life. This completely misguided perception causes ongoing dissatisfaction in many relationships, as we are unaware that even the greatest infatuation disappears sooner or later (on average, it lasts between five to six months, very rarely up to two years). The intoxication of infatuation is so tempting, especially for the unaccepting, that they simply cannot resist it and therefore forever long for a partner who would provide this feeling for a lifetime—but such a partner, of course, does not exist.

Many associate the phenomenon of infatuation with "chemistry," which is supposed to be responsible for the mess in one's head. It is a mixture of hormones, endorphins, serotonins, dopamines, oxytocins, vasopressins, and other substances that trigger certain feelings in our brains. But that is much like attributing the reason we went on a trip to the fuel in the car's tank. We all know that our desire to visit a destination set us on the trip, while the vehicle was just the means that allowed us to do so, and the fuel was the means that allowed the vehicle to move. Thus, fuel has only an indirect connection and by no means a decisive role in the trip.

Are the media, movies, and literature to blame for our false perceptions, painting us pictures of otherwise unaccepting partners who fall in love at first sight and create a permanent romantic relationship from it? This is partly true, but even more blame must be attributed to our ignorance.

Helen Fisher discovers that diverse parts of the brain are activated during infatuation, which coincides with the REI theory, as the unified minds create harmonic cooperation for the first time, abandoning their different visions of things. Because a person in such a state completely loses a realistic perception of what is happening around them, the minds do not oppose each other as is otherwise characteristic for most of our lives. It is precisely their opposition that allows us greater objectivity.

The focus of an infatuated person is searching for confirmations—to get confirmation of the same feelings from the loved one. In this, they are attentive to the smallest things that could give them confirmation, while on the other hand, they easily overlook everything that speaks against it. This too is caused by the cooperation between the minds, which embellish reality for each other primarily to achieve their common goal.

Not familiar with the book [psi] yet? You can read more about our three minds and the REI theory here.

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